Li Yang, a Chinese man, married Kim Lee, a caucasian American woman. They have children, and live and work in China. Cross cultural marriages and working overseas is not a big deal.
Li Yang does what many Chinese men do -- he beats his wife. That is sad. It is, however, a big deal that the wife is standing up to her husband by going to the Chinese police and media. That is rarely done. She has become a heroine to many Chinese wives.
But just as it is common for husbands to beat their wives in China, so it is common for Chinese men to withdraw from the family and act like sissies. I kid you not. I've seen many. It is so prevalent in China, that they even have schools that specialize in teaching boys how not to act like sissies.
Why does the Chinese culture produce so many girly men or husbands who beat wives?
My theory, is that men want to act girly to show that they are not male chauvinists. It's a way of over correcting that bad behavior. So Chinese boys see their dads beat their moms. They don't like it, so they want to show that they are not their dads, so they act like women instead.
That is very sad because both men and women play critical roles and contribute to family and society differently. When men act like women, or women act like men, society falls apart. Now, before you crucify me, please do not think that I mean that women should be forbidden from doing everything that men can do.
But, let's think over the matter together. Even if you are a feminist from the West, you too believe intrinsically that there are things that a woman can do that a man will never do, and vice versa. And even if they are activities that both men and women can do, we naturally want to segregate the two genders from those same activities.
For the former, think of breast feeding. Or giving birth. No matter how much I, as a man, want to breast feed or give birth, it just ain't gonna happen. I will never experience that joy.
For the latter, think of sports. Even when we encourage both men and women to play sports, we would not encourage them to compete together. Or even if we did allow them to compete together, it would be OK for a woman to play on a men's football team, but not OK for a man to play on a women's lacrosse team. We intrinsically believe these things because we all know that there is a natural order to things.
And I believe, that in this natural order, men are called to die for women. I am called to love my wife and be willing to sacrifice my life for her. She is not called to do that for me. It is my role to sacrifice for her.
Many would say that this worldview is not fair. And I agree, it is not. But, it is more beautiful.
Think of the case of the Titanic. When a ship is sinking, should we simply let the strongest survive? Or should the men be willing to give up their lives for women? That is exactly what happened. When the Titanic sank, 74% of the women survived, but only 20% of the men survived. Why? Because they knew true beauty.
I know I am called to sacrifice my life for my wife because Jesus sacrificed his life for the Church. Husbands represent Jesus, and wives represent the Church (Ephesians 5). So, to be true to Jesus, I must never beat my wife but love her and be willing to die for her.
But even if you are not a Christian, you know intrinsically that the unfair worldview of a husband dying for his wife is more beautiful than the fair worldview of letting the strongest survive. Francis Servel sacrificed his life for his wife Nicole when the Costa Concordia cruise ship sank earlier this year. That was sad, but his love was beautiful.
Jesus saves me from my sin. But he does more. He is a role model for me so that I can be a loving husband who does not beat my wife. So, because of Jesus, I have no need to be a girly man as a way to counter my experiences of seeing dads beat moms.
Li Yang does what many Chinese men do -- he beats his wife. That is sad. It is, however, a big deal that the wife is standing up to her husband by going to the Chinese police and media. That is rarely done. She has become a heroine to many Chinese wives.
But just as it is common for husbands to beat their wives in China, so it is common for Chinese men to withdraw from the family and act like sissies. I kid you not. I've seen many. It is so prevalent in China, that they even have schools that specialize in teaching boys how not to act like sissies.
Why does the Chinese culture produce so many girly men or husbands who beat wives?
My theory, is that men want to act girly to show that they are not male chauvinists. It's a way of over correcting that bad behavior. So Chinese boys see their dads beat their moms. They don't like it, so they want to show that they are not their dads, so they act like women instead.
That is very sad because both men and women play critical roles and contribute to family and society differently. When men act like women, or women act like men, society falls apart. Now, before you crucify me, please do not think that I mean that women should be forbidden from doing everything that men can do.
But, let's think over the matter together. Even if you are a feminist from the West, you too believe intrinsically that there are things that a woman can do that a man will never do, and vice versa. And even if they are activities that both men and women can do, we naturally want to segregate the two genders from those same activities.
For the former, think of breast feeding. Or giving birth. No matter how much I, as a man, want to breast feed or give birth, it just ain't gonna happen. I will never experience that joy.
For the latter, think of sports. Even when we encourage both men and women to play sports, we would not encourage them to compete together. Or even if we did allow them to compete together, it would be OK for a woman to play on a men's football team, but not OK for a man to play on a women's lacrosse team. We intrinsically believe these things because we all know that there is a natural order to things.
And I believe, that in this natural order, men are called to die for women. I am called to love my wife and be willing to sacrifice my life for her. She is not called to do that for me. It is my role to sacrifice for her.
Many would say that this worldview is not fair. And I agree, it is not. But, it is more beautiful.
Think of the case of the Titanic. When a ship is sinking, should we simply let the strongest survive? Or should the men be willing to give up their lives for women? That is exactly what happened. When the Titanic sank, 74% of the women survived, but only 20% of the men survived. Why? Because they knew true beauty.
I know I am called to sacrifice my life for my wife because Jesus sacrificed his life for the Church. Husbands represent Jesus, and wives represent the Church (Ephesians 5). So, to be true to Jesus, I must never beat my wife but love her and be willing to die for her.
But even if you are not a Christian, you know intrinsically that the unfair worldview of a husband dying for his wife is more beautiful than the fair worldview of letting the strongest survive. Francis Servel sacrificed his life for his wife Nicole when the Costa Concordia cruise ship sank earlier this year. That was sad, but his love was beautiful.
Jesus saves me from my sin. But he does more. He is a role model for me so that I can be a loving husband who does not beat my wife. So, because of Jesus, I have no need to be a girly man as a way to counter my experiences of seeing dads beat moms.
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