Why does the Chinese culture produce so many girly men and husbands who beat wives?

Li Yang, a Chinese man, married Kim Lee, a caucasian American woman. They have children, and live and work in China. Cross cultural marriages and working overseas is not a big deal.

Li Yang does what many Chinese men do -- he beats his wife. That is sad. It is, however, a big deal that the wife is standing up to her husband by going to the Chinese police and media. That is rarely done. She has become a heroine to many Chinese wives.

But just as it is common for husbands to beat their wives in China, so it is common for Chinese men to withdraw from the family and act like sissies. I kid you not. I've seen many. It is so prevalent in China, that they even have schools that specialize in teaching boys how not to act like sissies.

Why does the Chinese culture produce so many girly men or husbands who beat wives?

My theory, is that men want to act girly to show that they are not male chauvinists. It's a way of over correcting that bad behavior. So Chinese boys see their dads beat their moms. They don't like it, so they want to show that they are not their dads, so they act like women instead.

That is very sad because both men and women play critical roles and contribute to family and society differently. When men act like women, or women act like men, society falls apart. Now, before you crucify me, please do not think that I mean that women should be forbidden from doing everything that men can do.

But, let's think over the matter together. Even if you are a feminist from the West, you too believe intrinsically that there are things that a woman can do that a man will never do, and vice versa. And even if they are activities that both men and women can do, we naturally want to segregate the two genders from those same activities.

For the former, think of breast feeding. Or giving birth. No matter how much I, as a man, want to breast feed or give birth, it just ain't gonna happen. I will never experience that joy.

For the latter, think of sports. Even when we encourage both men and women to play sports, we would not encourage them to compete together. Or even if we did allow them to compete together, it would be OK for a woman to play on a men's football team, but not OK for a man to play on a women's lacrosse team. We intrinsically believe these things because we all know that there is a natural order to things.

And I believe, that in this natural order, men are called to die for women. I am called to love my wife and be willing to sacrifice my life for her. She is not called to do that for me. It is my role to sacrifice for her.

Many would say that this worldview is not fair. And I agree, it is not. But, it is more beautiful.

Think of the case of the Titanic. When a ship is sinking, should we simply let the strongest survive? Or should the men be willing to give up their lives for women? That is exactly what happened. When the Titanic sank, 74% of the women survived, but only 20% of the men survived. Why? Because they knew true beauty.

I know I am called to sacrifice my life for my wife because Jesus sacrificed his life  for the Church. Husbands represent Jesus, and wives represent the Church (Ephesians 5). So, to be true to Jesus, I must never beat my wife but love her and be willing to die for her.

But even if you are not a Christian, you know intrinsically that the unfair worldview of a husband dying for his wife is more beautiful than the fair worldview of letting the strongest survive. Francis Servel sacrificed his life for his wife Nicole when the Costa Concordia cruise ship sank earlier this year. That was sad, but his love was beautiful.

Jesus saves me from my sin. But he does more. He is a role model for me so that I can be a loving husband who does not beat my wife. So, because of Jesus, I have no need to be a girly man as a way to counter my experiences of seeing dads beat moms.

The Gibeonites Are a Picture of Election

Israel was commanded to conquer and kill every person living in Canaan. God not only commanded Israel to do it but he himself fought for Israel to accomplish it (Joshua 10:14). Every king and people group that fought Israel perished. But one group, the Gibeonites, sought mercy and were saved. Why were they spared?

Joshua made war a long time with all those kings. There was not a city that made peace with the people of Israel except the Hivites, the inhabitants of Gibeon. They took them all in battle. For it was the LORD's doing to harden their hearts that they should come against Israel in battle, in order that they should be devoted to destruction and should receive no mercy but be destroyed, just as the LORD commanded Moses. (Joshua 11:18-20)

God specifically hardened the hearts of the kings of Canaan so that he could destroy them. This was spelled out for us in the encounter with the king of Sihon. Moses asked to pay for the rights to pass through their land. But God hardened the heart of the king of Sihon so that he would not accept terms of peace in order for God to destroy Sihon.

So I sent messengers from the wilderness of Kedemoth to Sihon the king of Heshbon, with words of peace... But Sihon the king of Heshbon would not let us pass by him, for the LORD your God hardened his spirit and made his heart obstinate, that he might give him into your hand, as he is this day. (Deuteronomy 2:26-30)

That is scary! Those who fight against God are destined to do so and will be destroyed for it! Oh, how we need to beg God for mercy. And that is exactly what the Gibeonites did (Joshua 9). They saw that they had no chance or offer of salvation, and so disguised themselves as a far away nation. They did so because they knew that God had commanded all the people groups of Canaan to be destroyed. They knew they were not even offered a chance at peace! Yet they attempted to reconcile with God. So they disguised themselves and Israel inadvertantly made a covenant of peace with them thinking that they were not Canaanites. Once Joshua found out they were really from Canaan, he got mad at them, and so made the Gibeonites slaves to carry water and wood for the temple of God.

But is that not a picture of salvation for us who are saved? Are we not bond servants, slaves of God as Paul called himself (Romans 1:1)? Were we not plucked out from among a people that were hardened to be destroyed? Do not think that this only applied to the Old Testament. Jesus himself acted in the same way toward a Canaanite woman who, one can say, represented the Gibeonites, not just ethnically, but spiritually.

And Jesus went away from there and withdrew to the district of Tyre and Sidon. And behold, a Canaanite woman from that region came out and was crying, "Have mercy on me, O Lord, Son of David; my daughter is severely oppressed by a demon. But he did not answer her a word. And his disciples came and begged him, saying, "Send her away, for she is crying out after us." He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel." But she came and knelt before him, saying, "Lord, help me." And he answered, "It is not right to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs." She said, "Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters' table." Then Jesus answered her, "O woman, great is your faith! Be it done for you as you desire." And her daughter was healed instantly. (Matthew 15:21-18)

Is it not ironic that the ones who were offered salvation did not receive it? But that the ones who were not offered salvation believed? King Sihon was destroyed though he was offered peace. The Gibeonites were not offered peace yet found peace. The Syrophoenician woman, who is a Canaanite, received peace though she, like us, was nothing more than a dog and was not even offered peace. Jesus even purposefully ignored her! Yet the Pharisees who were supposed to know God and were offered God's peace did not receive him. Why? Because they were hardened like the kings of Canaan. And the woman was redeemed like the Gibeonites.

What ought we to do? Seek salvation while it may be found! Pursue it whether you are offered it or not. And know, if you do receive it, that it is because God has softened your heart and caused you to believe. He has done this so none of us may boast before him! Seek God!

An Account of Two People

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. This is not a tale of two cities, but a true account of two people: Rahab and Achan.

Rahab was a female prostitute who spread her legs out  for money. She was dirty and no man loved her. She grew up in Jericho, a Canaanite city, and so had no direct access to God. But she knew of God's power through hearing of accounts of what God did to Egypt through the ten plagues and the splitting of the Red Sea. She even knew that God promised to give the whole Promised Land to Israel.

Achan, outwardly, was not a sinner. He was an upstanding family man with sons and daugthers. He grew up among the people of Israel and had direct access to God through Moses. Daily, he experienced God's grace through the miraculous provision of bread from heaven. Daily, he saw manifestations of God in the form of a pillar of cloud by day and fire by night. He saw, first hand, God's awesome power in the destruction of the nations east of the Jordan, the splitting of the Jordan river, and the fall of Jericho's walls.

Rahab feared God. When the Israeli spies came to check out Jericho, she protected them and hid them from the soldiers in the city. Because of that, the spies swore to protect her and her entire family. Eventually, when the rest of Israel came to attack and conquer the city, every man, woman, and child were devoted to destruction. But Rahab and everyone from her household were spared because she feared God and protected the spites.

Achan did not fear God. He was there with the Israeli army in the conquest of Jericho. But he coveted a nice jacket and some money that did not belong to him. He took those things and hid them. Because he did that, thirty-six men died in Israel's next military campaign against the city of Ai. Those men lost their lives because God did not go with Israel to fight Ai. God did not  go with the nation of Israel because one man, Achan, from the nation had sinned. Once Joshua discovered Achan's sin, Achan, and his whole household, including sons, daughters, and farm animals, were brought outside the camp to be stoned and burned alive.

So Rahab, the prostitute, who lied to the soldiers in her city, saved her and her entire household because she had faith to fear God. But Achan, the upstanding family man, who did not lie but told Joshua the truth, destroyed himself and his entire household because he did not have faith to fear God.

Who are you? Or better yet, who am I?

I pray that I may be a God fearer. I would rather be one who only hears of God's power but believes, than one who sees God's power with his own eyes but has no faith.

May God grant us faith to fear him!

Sometimes God Gives Very Inefficient Commands

Flint Knives

Joshua had just crossed the Jordan river to conquer the Promised Land. And God immediately asked Joshua to circumcise all of the men of Israel.

At that time the LORD said to Joshua, "Make flint knives and circumcise the sons of Israel a second time." So Joshua made flint knives and circumcised the sons of Israel at Gibeath-haaraloth... When the circumcising of the whole nation was finished, they remained in their places in the camp until they were healed. (Joshua 5:3-8)

This command by God was hugely inefficient because it exposed to entire army to attack since all of the men who could fight were incapacitated. Men who are circumcised are out of commission for at least a week because they cannnot run or fight (Genesis 34:25).

And, just think of how silly it sounds. Imagine you enter a foreign land, ready to attack and conquer it, and your commander asks you to drop your pants, and without anesthetics, to cut off a part of your private part. Then, you have to wait for it to heal without any use of modern medicine while the enemy can attack your base because you are defenseless and exposed. Ludicrous and inefficient.

God commands what he commands because he is not concerned with sounding ludicrous or being efficient. He is concerned to ensure that we are a people set apart for him.

Today

The story of Joshua circumcising the men of Israel still applies to us today. The task of taking over the Promised Land was huge and stressful. We are not called, today, to conquer with sword as they were, but many of still feel the same stress because we feel that we have been given an unaccomplishable task. I think God does that whatever stage of life we are in or whatever our calling to force us to rely on him.

It is part of the human condition and in the very air we breathe. Ask around. I don't know of anyone who says that life is a breeze and that they are not stressed out. And as Christians, the more stressed out we are, the more we are tempted to give less time to setting ourselves apart for God instead of spending more time setting ourselves apart for God.

Have you ever been stressed out at work because of a huge dead line? The world tells us to spend all the time possible working to meet a deadline. But God tell us to honor him first by giving him the best of our time, and then we must work at our jobs with all our might for his glory.

Were you ever a student stressed out about an upcoming exam? The world tells us to spend all the time possible studying to get the best grades possible. But God tells us to honor him first by studying his Word with the best hours of our day, and then we must do our best in school to reflect his glory.

It seems that God is not concerned with efficiency. We are commanded, today, to honor God first because we are a people set apart for God, just like Joshua and the nation of Israel.

Why God Purposefully Exalts Individuals Among the Church

It's very counter cultural to believe that God purposefully exalts individuals among the Church. This is hard for us to believe because we are engrossed in the defacto Christian culture that assumes that we are all equals because we are all equally part of the body of Christ.

But what would you do if it was God's specific call for your life that the Church be in awe of you? Do we even have a framework to know how to process being exalted by God?

God Exalts Individuals

Joshua was told by God, specifically, that he would be exalted like Moses among all of Israel. He was individually exalted above everyone else in the nation.

The LORD said to Joshua, "Today I will begin to exalt you in the sight of all Israel, that they may know that, as I was with Moses, so I will be with you." (Joshua 3:7)

The entire nation stood in awe of Joshua. God specifically lifted up Joshua and wanted the nation to be in awe of him. Sounds awfully man centered doesn't it?

On that day the LORD exalted Joshua in the sight of all Israel, and they stood in awe of him just as they had stood in awe of Moses, all the days of his life. (Joshua 4:14)

Means of Exaltation

How did God exalt Joshua? God did it by drying up the Jordan so that the country could cross on dry land. Back then, the Jordan river then was a mighty river that looked a lot like the Mississippi river today. God asked Joshua and the nation to cross that mighty river during its peak season when the water overflowed its banks. Which means, God wanted them to cross the river when it was scariest and most difficult.

"Behold, the ark of the covenant of the Lord of all the earth is passing over before you into the Jordan. Now therefore take twelve men from the tribes of Israel, from each tribe a man. And when the soles of the feet of the priests bearing the ark of the LORD, the Lord of all the earth, shall rest in the waters of the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan shall be cut off from flowing, and the waters coming down from above shall stand in one heap." So... the people passed over opposite Jericho. Now the priests bearing the ark of the covenant of the LORD stood firmly on dry ground in the midst of the Jordan, and all Israel was passing over on dry ground until all the nation finished passing over the Jordan. (Joshua 3:11-17)

God exalted Joshua by associating Joshua with an act that was beyond his natural capabilities. No matter how good of a leader Joshua was, he could not, on his own, change the course of rivers. Everyone knew that Joshua did not have the power to dry up the Jordan river! So Joshua was exalted because he was associated with the God of the universe who could dry up the mighty river.

So, we are never exalted  by our own capabilities, but always by capabilities that point to a mighty God. In the same way, John Piper, a mighty preacher, had problems with speech in his youth. Even Tim Tebow had to win games that did not point to his naturally awesome quarterback skills.

Purpose for Believers

God exalts individual Christians among the Church by having them do things beyond their capacity so that we all know that the awesome thing done, was not done by them, but by God. When we know that the awesome deed is done by the power of God, we know that God is among us. God exalts an individual among us to show us that he is with us.

And Joshua said, "Here is how you shall know that the living God is among you..." (Joshua 3:10)

By seeing God's majestic acts, we know he is still alive. But we not only know that he is alive and well, we know that he is with us! And that is infinitely better.

This still applies to us today. God is with us. He will never leave us nor forsake us.

Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you. (Joshua 1:5)

Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5).

Purpose for the World

Just as God exalts an individual Christian among the Church for the purpose of showing that God is with the Church, so God exalts the entire Church to glorify himself to the world.

For the LORD your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over, as the LORD your God did to the Red Sea, which he dried up for us until we passed over, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the LORD is mighty, that you may fear the LORD your God forever.(Joshua 4:23-24)

The purpose is so that all the people groups of the world would know and fear God. Rahab the prostitute was a Canaanite from Jericho who believed in God because she heard of God's mighty power displayed through the destruction of Egypt (Joshua 2:8-14). She eventually became a direct ancestor of Jesus Christ himself (Matthew 1:5), and is now permanently (1 Peter 1:25) in the hall of faith (Hebrews 11:31). Pretty good for a prostitute from Jericho. She is more exalted than I ever will be.

God gets glory when his Church bears fruit because true fruit bearing can only happen through association with God. We must remain in God. He must be with us. And if he is with us, we bear fruit that ultimately glorifies him.

I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing... By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples. (John 15:5-8)

So, God exalts individuals, to exalt the Church, to ultimately exalt Himself.